Living with ADHD: Tips and Tricks for Thriving
As someone who’s been living with ADHD for years (but only diagnosed recently within the past couple of years!), I know just how frustrating it can be to feel like the things that come so easily to everyone else are such a monumental task for us. But lucky for you, I not only have ADHD myself, I also provide therapy and coaching to folks with ADHD. And let’s just say I've picked up a few tricks and tips during this time that I would like to pay forward and bestow on you, you beautiful unique ball of stardust. So without further ado, here are some of my favorite tips for thriving with ADHD.
Technology. How about, instead of making things harder than they have to be on our poor ADHD brains - we stop giving our brain tasks to do that it’s simply not good at? And instead do what any smart CEO does - outsource the task to someone who’s more competent at it. In this case, that someone is technology. Technology can be an incredibly powerful support tool for helping to streamline the lives of individuals with ADHD. There are a variety of apps and tools available that can help you plan, organize, budget and monitor time, and just generally stay on task with your life. One of my favorites for time management and task completion is Llama Life, a software that has features ranging from task timers, time estimates, reminders, templated lists, alarms, soundscapes, visual time pies, and even time reports to let you know how you’re actually spending your time throughout the day. You can either use the free plan which still comes with many nifty features, or you can pay $30/year for the upgraded version.
Visual Aids. If you cannot see it, it does not exist. Don’t argue with me on this one; just trust my hard-won wisdom. ADHD brains struggle with object permanence, which means if something goes out of our line of sight, we forget about it, and we don’t remember it until it’s back in our line of sight. Things like white boards, magnetic calendars for the fridge, and post-it notes are about to become your new best friends. I personally keep post-its and a pen in every room of my house, so that when I have something pop into my head that I need to remember, I can write it down rather than storing it in my brain and constantly worrying that I’ll forget about it. Keeping information in visual format is not only great for decreasing the energy required to store information in your brain, it’s also a great way to battle that object permanence issue, because as you’re passing by it’s easier to notice reminders and important information if it’s visually prominent.
List Steps. ADHD brains do not automatically break tasks down into their component steps. This is one of the reasons why we so often underestimate the amount of steps, time, and effort required to finish a task - and why we often have multiple half-finished projects lying around at any given point in time. So once you have a task in mind, it's time to break it down into all it’s smaller steps. Be as specific as possible, and include all the little steps that feel invisible. And don’t be afraid to go into sub-steps! One of the most comment factors that derails us from completing a task is the realization that there’s prep work we need to do before we can accomplish a step in that task. So make sure to include the prep steps, as well, so that it doesn’t hit you as a surprise in the moment and distract you or overwhelm you. So for example, if your goal is to declutter your closet, your list might look like:
Take everything out of the closet to get a clear visual of the items.
Sort items into 3 piles: Keep, Donations, Trash.
Throw out everything in Trash pile.
Put Keep items back into closet.
Donate items from Donation pile.
Clean out car to make space for donations.
Move Donate pile out to car.
Bring Donate pile to Goodwill.
Chunking. Otherwise known as “breaking tasks down into manageable pieces and then tackling one piece at a time.” After you make your list it can feel like the pressure is on. Now that I’ve made the list, you think to yourself, I HAVE to complete this task. And I have to do all of it right now, you realize with a growing sense of dread and overwhelm, because if I stop now I know I’ll never return to it and then it will never get done!!” This sense of pressure and urgency end up locking you into a state of ADHD paralysis, where you literally can’t even make your body initiate a task (no matter how much your brain yells at it) because the anticipatory overwhelm is so great that it puts your body into literal freeze mode to protect itself from the perceived imminent threat. So how about this. Let’s take away some of that pressure, shall we? Rather than trying to eat the gigantic elephant in one huge gulp, take a breath, make your list, break down one of list items into steps - and then release that pressure to complete all the steps in one go. Instead, push steps together into “chunks” and then just focus on that chunk. Sometimes you can even view each individual step as a Chunk unto itself, depending on your energy levels and the intensity of the task. When you’re done with Chunk 1, you can move on to Chunk 2. And so on and so forth until you complete the task, at which point you deserve a celebration for being an awesome badass. Yay you!
Self-Care. If you’re a human being, you require self-care. If you’re a human being with an ADHD brain in a neurotypical society, you require self-care even more than the average person. And let me be clear: I don’t define self-care as just pertaining to the luxurious picture that’s so often painted of pampering one’s self through spa days, manicures, and lavish purchases (though those can certainly count as self-care as well!). I define self-care as the following: caring for yourself as a loving parent would care for their child. It’s about finding a balance between comfort and discipline, between fun and productivity. Knowing that in the moment it would be more comfortable for me to just go to bed rather than spending the time to take my contacts out and brush my teeth - but weighing that against the future discomfort of painful eyes in the morning and the unnecessary additional expense of a dentist bill in my near future. For those of us with executive dysfunction, it takes more effort for us to engage in adult society. Which means that it’s crucial for us to make self-care a priority so that we can be recharging those resources that we’re rapidly spending throughout our day. In our case, self-care isn’t just an addition to a happy and healthy life - it’s a necessity for baseline functioning. By making self-care a priority, you can feel more like yourself and less at the mercy of your ADHD executive dysfunction symptoms. You’ll also be better resourced and more equipped to handle the challenges that come your way. Self-care looks different for each individual, so I highly encourage you to reflect on the following questions to identify what feels like self-care for you:
What does being recharged feel like for me?
What people, places, and things help me have this feeling?
What does being nourished feel like for me?
What acts help me to feel nourished?
Community. Having ADHD can be a very isolating experience in that we’re taught to compare ourselves to neurotypical society and find ourselves lacking. That combined with our brain’s penchant for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (hyper-fixating on perceived criticism or rejection and feeling a disproportionately strong emotional response to it), means that most people with ADHD have frequent emotionally stressful experiences of anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, and embarrassment. Being able to engage with other people with ADHD can be an immensely powerful source of comfort to those of us with executive dysfunction. So if you haven’t already met other neurodivergent folks in your life, I highly recommend you start searching for one (or more) ADHD support groups either online or in your local area. A great place to start your search is the CHADD website.
And remember: living with ADHD can be challenging, but it doesn't have to be a constant struggle. With the right mindset, strategies, and support, you can absolutely create a life you love and thrive in. Now go forth out into the world and continue being your awesome, badass, neurospicy self! I’ll be cheering you on from here.
Additional ADHD Resources:
Discovery Call for 1-1 ADHD Coaching
Interest List for ADHD Group Coaching
